Hysterical Humans – Biggest Reality Show about Earth

Greetings and welcome back to Hysterical Humans! This is our first episode of the seventh season and I´m of course your host Rag´Zoh, from Tardas II. I have been your guide from the beginning of this show, ever since one of the Galactic Fleet´s science probes picked up a signal coming from this peripheral part of the Galaxy. This was 72 Earth Cycles ago, first the science department thought it was a shenanigan arranged by younglings of some civilized world, however, a sentient species was killing each other on a planetary scale.  Tremendous news! Scientific value of studying these primitive bipedal predators was quite low so the opportunity to record this was passed on to Galactic Channel 8. This is how we ended up shooting the first season of Hysterical Humans, a show that is now known through the galaxy for its entertaining quality and capriciousness nature. You never know what those lecherous humans come up with next! Here is summary of what has happened in the past seasons for those few who are not familiar with this show.

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Previously on Hysterical Humans! It all began with a commendable planetary scale war which was fought with archaic weapons, something not seen in eons here in the civilized space. Mechanical units on ground and in air powered with fossil fuels, believe it or not! It was amazing how easily the masses of this species were lead to kill each other, believing they are dying for greater ideology, country or something that was greater than themselves. This trait combined to impulsivity, aggressiveness, shortsighted and on the other side amazing capability to kindness, co-operation and capacity to fight to the bitter end in the face of certain death delivered us many Earth Cycles of enthralling material, ending to one side cracking the basics of atomic power. Impressive feat by such a primitive species, it seems that war and conflict bring out the best in those hysterical humans.

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This struggle was followed by another where the impending and mutual nuclear holocaust was always behind the corner, one season ending in the Cuban Cliffhanger. During this time of paranoia Earthlings even managed to take their first cosmic baby steps and visited their own moon, something they haven’t been able to repeat in later seasons. One low rated season followed the anticlimax of so called Cold War but things got interesting about ten Earth Cycles ago when one side hoaxed its citizens by driving airplanes in to towers thus creating a new face for the enemy. War of Terror brought us back to the top listed shows in the galaxy, compared to old archenemy of so-called free people this enemy is something that cannot be destroyed physically. Marvelous thing!

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Last season featured two main wars in the oldest battlefields of these Tellurians, not so grand in scale but solid action material. Humans have many hilarious things on their planet, one is their economy which is basically a big Ponzi Scheme, Galactic Channel 8 provides a chance to bet when this system is going crash again. This event provides hysterically funny behaviors in humans which seem to repeat themselves, as does the history of humans. The economic crash of last season provided huge winnings to someone in the Gamma Quadrant.

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So what exciting things the humans will do this season!? They seem to be aware of impending warming of their planet but will they do something about that? They are running out of their precious oil which fuels their society, will we have chance to observe another global conflict over this resource or will they be able to use their minuscule brain power to come up with more efficient and less polluting energy sources?  Humans have recently manage to find more and more planets with their simple devices, their futile attempt to communicate or receive messages from other civilizations is naturally blocked by devices planted by Galactic Council in a meteor belt around their solar system what the humans call Oort Cloud. We can´t have our virgin playthings to become aware of our existence, this is something they have find out by inventing Faster Than Light technologies. We can only hope they do not destroy themselves before that since their warlike nature future would be an asset to the Galactic Fleet. There seems to be no hope of that in the near future thus we can enjoy Hysterical Humans for many seasons to come.

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Remember also to watch our spinoff shows! Spiral to Decadence, where Raedok the shape shifter has taken human form and investigates human mating behavior and festival cultures personally around Earth! What bizarre and sensational customs this species has! Another show, Carnages of the Past, where best scholars of Galactic Council investigate history of humans. If you think humans are hysterically violent and amusing now, just wait for the stories from their past where they have come up most intriguing ways to kill, torture and fight each other. How does inserting a person inside a statue, setting fire under it and boiling the person to death while his screams mimic sounds of a deity. And on the subject of human superstitions, we have a special historical series dedicated to all the ridiculous and bewildering things humans have and still believe.

Raedok in the pink dress at a random party on Earth.

Raedok in the pink dress at a random party on Earth.

Stay tuned for more human mania after the break!

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6 thoughts on “Hysterical Humans – Biggest Reality Show about Earth

  1. How an enjoyable reading, thank you. The text consisted of so much same kind of ideas than i have that I, being hysterical and paranoid, started to suspect if this whole blog is a conspiracy committed by shapeshifting reptilian dictatorship.

    Hysterical, psychotic and sick-hypnotic is the nature of human indeed. It turns black into white and white into black and good into evil. If there is no problem, don’t worry, human will invent it. Perfect example for this is sex. The topic of sex is something that drives human crazy. Some people try to solve the problem by ignoring it and the others try to achieve they confidence by talking about it even though there is nothing to talk about. We have millions of fucking fathers and mothers out here whose createst problem is that how they will tell to they children how the children born. Some so called open minded ingeniouses think that they responsibility is to give they children very elaborate description about the subject. And how is that so?

    So when 5 years old child ask the parents how the children born, here is a very simple and good answer: The child will be born from father’s and mother’s love. You don’t have to tell more and besides it’s very good answer. 10 years old children do not ask that kind of questions anymore because they already know everything what you do.

    • You are welcome my friend! I think this is one of the best comments in this blog, the thing about conspiracy committed by shapeshifting reptilian dictatorship pretty much sums up the core of this blog. It is serious stuff that I try to present with a grain of salt. And maybe you were right! 😀

      Sex is one the most natural things humans and other beings do, all this guilt and panic about the subject is partly due to 2000 years of Christian values forced and twisted to the minds of people. Think about Jesus, he hanged out with 12 guys and a prostitue and with the poor folk so I guess sex was no stranger nor issue to him.

      Parents should have mandatory sociapedagogical studies before they could have kids and maybe just use some good old common sense. As you said proper answer according the developmental stage of the kid. When they start to think about these things, they will just google it with their smartphones. 🙂

      • You’re right about Christianity’s negative impact to the mind and thinking of the people of the western civilization in a great extent. The parallel situation is in some other religions too like Judaism and Islam. The main responsibility in this case belongs to Judaism because Christianity and Islam are the derivatives of Judaism. According to many historians the reason for Judaism’s strict code of sexual behavior lies in the fact that in prehistoric time there was in Judea also a Canaanite culture which had a powerful cult of fertility. The Canaanites used to worship Astarte and Baal and other similar divinities. By demonizing their Gods Jews got the tool of control of Canaanites.

    • Hey, this is a marvellous blog. I have read all the articles and comments of it. I couldn’t stop reading until I had read everything. I have learnt a lot, thank you for this unforgettable and pleasant experience. But there is one thing which disturbs me, the heart of Alejandro. I think he’s not a real humanist. He’s just pretending to be one, but in reality he must be quite an arrogant person. He’s heart is black and he doesn’t think good about people. The one who doesn’t have a heart at all cannot be a real humanist. And then I got the feeling that he’s not brave enough to ignore completely what other people think about him. He’s afraid of saying what he really thinks about the 911. Were those bloody towers exploded to dust or not? Yes or no? I want to have clear answers.

      • Thank you! I am happy when my thoughts uplift the consciousness of others. I have had a good dialogue with Alejandro, he disagrees with me sometimes and that is positive a thing since it sparks discussion. I have nothing negative to say about him but here I don´t sensor anything so feel free continue to talk about these topics with him.

        On another topic I can give tou heads up to upcoming material! I am doing a talk show with my friends and it will be in podcast form (in Finnish), we are recording it now and I will let you know when there is something you can listen to.

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